MY VIEW!

Hi there, I just got reading the previous articles. Well to me, I knew I was different from others at the age of 13 or so. I was attracted to guys then. I found certain types of men interesting to look at and would always look at them. But at that time, I did not know what this is about.

It is only about 3 to 4 years later that I used to use shopping centre toilets. Of course, keluar lepak dengan kawan-kawan sekolah. It is then that I became aware of messages behind toilet doors. I used to ead as many as I can and imagine what was happening. Actually at 17, there was a few times that I was approached but I chickened out. Only at 19, did I dare enter a toilet and try out a quickie! But was not a good experience. I promised would not do it again but somehow it happens again and again. At 20 I got a girl friend. Was long term but did not work out as I felt she having a university degree versus me who did not would not work well. After that I went all out cruising. Believe you me, in the 5 years of our friendship, I can count that the maximum number of men I cruised was 5.

But tastes change. Before I was not at all attracted to chub guys. It is only hen I met a guy about 1987 and I realised what it was. Until today he and I are good friends. But he is in KL now. I think he is the one who has made me see chub guys in a different way now.

Kartun Chub Di-Alih Bahasa

More available at: MyChub Cartoon - CLICK HERE

i havent written for quite some time, not that i was bz or something like that (I am eternally bz with work, anyway) it's just that i found that writing for this blog proved to be quite a hard challenge, not everyday we experienced encounters and not every day we resort into slutness. Anyway, what Raden Putra @ istante wrote made me want to share my 2 cents worth. lately i have been questioning my gayness and my situation as a chub with homosexual tendency. True, history and environment play a major part in making me decide to be what i am as applicable to 'Zul's' friend who were unfortunate enough to be mishandled by his own uncle hence evoke his decision to be what he is today. What I am trying to get at is this: is it the whole truth? is it because of one particular or maybe a series of episodes that led us to resort to our own likings? Many people will gladly tell you his story of why he become gay in the first place, but then to me, the story were purely made up (not imposing that the story/ies wasnt true or anything, it just that it did happen but it's probably not the REAL reason) The episodes or the stories simply strengthening it but it wasnt the CAUSE. My theory : we (plu and the like) are afraid of women, or we respect women too much or women simply too fucking hard to handle. So we find comfort in men and embrace them whenever we can. i will let this linger on your mind and i welcome any feedback before i finally present my case with deliberation and arguments.

regards
rozman
www.deadjournal.com/users/tristrandoe

Ada member minta tolong letak dialog ni... Kot2 sesapa nak bagi komen dipersilakan, topik mungkin agak heavy.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Knock! Knock! Aku ketuk pintu.
“Jap!” terdengar suara kat dalam bilik.

“Hi!”
“Huh?! Eh… hi… so betul ke aku ni orang yang ko nampak aritu?”

Aku cuma senyum. “Camana bleh tertidur? Apa ko buat arini?”
Dia menguap sekali. “Aku baru sampai. Penat siutt! Err… panggil aku Hari”

“Ok, panggil aku Zul.”
“Jap ekk… aku nak mandi jap” Dia pakai tuala dgn baju melayu masuk bilik air.

Aku lepak je kat katil, perati dinding dengan siling, kot2 ada lubang dan kamera tersembunyi. Paranoid betul aku.

Dia dah habis mandi, dan masih pakai tuala dgn baju melayu. Dan masih bulat dan gebu.

………………………………………………………….

Dia tidur terlentang, aku baring atas dada dia, mengadap muka dia.
“So, bila ko nak balik Penang?”
Dia tak jawap. “Macamana ko tau aku aritu? Ko ngendap aku chatting yer?”

“Ha’a. Aku lalu kat PC kau, aku nampak nama2 channel yg kau masuk. Heheh”
“Ko tau, aku panik giler masa kau tegur aku tu, tangan aku siap menggigil! Masa aku jalan ke luar tu pun menggeletar lagi! Aku ingat aku dah cover abis dah…”

“Ala… org yg tau mesti tau punyer… ko ada bagi satu renungan yg boleh diagak. Hehehehe…”
“Hmmm…abih tadi kau tak lari lak masa aku bukak pintu tadi?”

“Err? Napa kau cakap camtu? Kau penah kena ada org lari bila kau bukak pintu ke?”
“Takle… saja tanya. Mesti ramai chubby-chubby kat KL kau dah jumpa kan?”

“Wahhh!! Molottttt! Takda le… aku buat member jek! Lebih2 pun takda! Kalau dah kenal sebagai kawan aku buat jadi kawan aja…”
“Abih aku ni?”

“Err… dalam hal ni aku ni kira mangsa, kau goda aku suruh datang bilik kau… Hahahahah”
“Siutttttttttt!”

“Takle camtu. Aku ada unwritten rule kot, nak explain pun susah. Lain2 kali aja le. Kau citer le pesal kau, biar je aku baring atas dada kau ni…. Citer le apa2…Err, kau takda kutu kan? Hehehhe”
“Siutttttt! Heheh…”

“Hehehe.. ko perasan tak? Bila ko bercakap tetek ko ikut bergerak sekali. Hahahahah…”
“Woii!! Merapu je ko nih! Hehhehe… Eh! Ko tau, aku terjebak dalam dunia ni masa kecik."

"Duhh!! Isn't everyone?!"
"Citer aku panjang. Aku kena dengan uncle aku. Confuse, siut. Sanggup dia buat camtu kat budak2 yang tak tau apa2. Sakit. Aku menangis. Aku memang dendam dengan dia sampai sekarang. Sampai mati aku takkan maafkan dia."

"....."
"Aku grew up confused, marah kat diri sendiri. Aku taktau nak cakap kat sapa. Taktau nak mintak tolong kat sapa. Org2 kampung aku kenal dia sapa, kira org yg baik2 jugak, so mesti diaorg tak percaya dia buat macam tu. Akal budak kecik aku ni suruh aku makan banyak2, supaya badan aku besar, nanti aku boleh lawan dia balik, nanti aku boleh jaga adik2 aku kalau diaorg pulak kena kacau."

"....."
"Aku taktau apa diaorg pikir sampai sanggup buat camtu kat budak2 yang tak berakal. Tapi aku macam kena sumpah lak. Aku jatuh cinta dgn lelaki. Buat aku lagi confuse. Untung bebudak sekarang, diaorg byk tmpt nak luahkan perasaan."

"Bukan salah kau, beb... tu aja yg boleh aku cakap. Bukan nak offer comfort, aku tak pandai, tapi mmg bukan salah kau..."

(bersambung bila rajin...)

6am. I felt too fuckin' tired to drive home, so I went to Tasik Permaisuri (how convenient, eh?!). Twas a long day, 'lepak' at bleu, watched the glittering show by glitters dot com, bitched about how everyone danced on the podium, and secretly thought that I would look worse. My my, people must think I'm such a desperado, coming there at 6, when people are about to go jogging. Oh well, all I wanted to do was to get a short nap. And I really really hope the slim guy in Planet Hollywood t-shirt wouldn't be there. I got a major shock the last time I saw him where suddenly I saw a face smiling near my car. Opps, make that eyes and teeth.

But it's too stuffy in the car, and I have no idea what else to listen to, tho I have literally thousands of songs, so, I got out of the car, lit a cigarette. But it's too bright at the parking lot! I gotta go somewhere darker, so that my mind can relax, and perhaps saw some activities, so I walked slowly into the park. Yeah yeah, create a reason to go inside, eh? I'm like so telling the truth... hehe

Saw some enthusiasts trying to catch some Flower Horn in the lake. Err, that ugly hybrid that's supposed to be bred in Malaysia? Why? Whatever... as long as everyone's happy. Oh my! It's actually darker in here! I can actually relax my mind here!! And they have chairs too!! Now why don't I sit down, smoke a few cigarettes and just be quiet.

"Hi! Apa khabar?"
"Er? Ok, khabar baik!" I replied

"Panggil aku Wan. Nkau?"
"Ok. Panggil aku Zul" (why Zul? I've no God-damned fucking idea why, but the name's familiar, so I used that name)

"Tak balik lagi? Dah pukul 6 dah ni." (Pointing at his watch)
(Huh! Jam Cartier ke?! Hiskk, napa tetiba aku jadi judgmental ni?)"Dah balik dah, saja datang balik, tertinggal molot, ni yg nak cari ni"

"Hehehehahahahahhhehehehehehehehehe. Awak ni kelakar lah!"
(Hmm, the transition from 'engkau' to 'awak'. Sesuatuh!! Makin lama makin lembut nih!) "Dok mana?"

"Er... er... er.... Ampang!"
(Aisey! Did u just make that up? Trust me, pumpkin, I don't care.)"Ok. Bagus tempat tu. Kat situ banyak TV warna dan klip kertas."

"Huh?!?! Apadia? Tak faham lah!"
"Heheheh... takda apa2...aku tgh boring, tu yang merapu tu. Jom jalan2 jap sedut udara segar."

Lyndon:
Hmm, mesti ko ni peminat cerita Ally McBeal kan? Yang bagusnya ko ni optimistic pesal life. Aku tak kenal ko tapi I don't find any reason for you to change becoz someone asks you to. Sort of you wouldn't be you anymore. Kata kawan aku, ala2 ikut konsep programming, ko dah tau apa silap, so betulkan le algorythm tu. Tapi emosi masuk campur, kan? Ko bukan mesin, ko manusia yg ada perasaan. Senang cakap daripada buat. Tapi cam kata kawan ko ler..you tak serik lagi ker?? Would it be that somehow deep inside, you're hoping that they're not as manupulative leech as they appear to be? Or the thought of being alone kinda scary? You already know the problem, you know what needs to be done. Good luck! And I believe you, he's out there somewhere...

Hi there, Sudah lama saya tidak tulis untuk blog ini. Firstly, congratulations...both of you....hope you have a long and lasting relationship that just gets better as the days go by!! Itu harapan saya!

For me life is pretty quiet. Since I last met that guy in KL, nothng much. But as all tales go in my life, it has come to an end! Well, that is life...tapi kita kena terus hidup kan?? But seriously I think I need to look into myself. Saya dapat rasa yang kebanyakan daripada orang yang saya jumpa, menganggap kebaikan saya sebagai satu kelemahan! Of course, nothing else counts! It is money.

Sebelum ini dia tu dah kata....abang tak boleh tulis untuk blog lagi....I had a whole list of demands. Never mind. Saya akan mematuhinya. But as usual, the rest of the story revolves around money. Saya tak tahu kenapalah......kebanyakan yang saya telah jumpa di KL akan minta wang dari saya! This one was a classic case. When I refused to give, plus masa tu I memang sakit. Mana boleh pergi bank nak hantar duit pada dia. Baik tu, he will call me often to check on my health. But bila saya tak hantar duit pada dia, terus dia senyap.

It has happened to me before....I think semuanya 3 dari KL! Sampai my good friend kata...you tak serik lagi ker??

I am sure that outside there, there is someone for me, but I have yet to discover him. In the meantime, I will carry on searching!!

Hi, it's been quite some time since moks have written anything into this blogger. Sorry dearest readers, a lot has happened with my life and my present work continues to take more and more of my leisure time. Anyway, i'm back for now and I just want to share with you a story that I had encountered a few weeks ago. Well, I was sitting in a restaurant waiting for my ordered set lunch, when I noticed a cute daddy chub sitting in front of me. He was fair for a Malay, around the age of 40-ish, waist 42, around 168cm and 100kg. There was a cute little mole under his ear which makes him irresistable. He was wearing a white office shirt that hugs his huge belly and dark colored pants which curved nicely around his bubble butt. I tried NOT to stare at him... but one just cannot resist such temptations when one is presented with such delicacy. Starting from eye contact then down to the lips... I smiled. He smiled back at me. My heart just pumped with joy. Are my charms working today ? Rarely I would be this lucky. We continued to glace at each other and smiling silly all the way through lunch. He was really cute i tell you. After i ate my last morsel, I grabbed a pack of ciggarette. Then, nervously tries to look for a lighter in my tight pants. Out of the blue, he was standing beside me and offering me his lighter. He looks really good close-up, all the fats bulging at the right places. Belly tits and butts. His clean shaven face looks so adorable in the sunlight that it took a while for me to regain my composure in that situation.
"Mind if I join you ?"
"Sure lah.. have a sit", I replied in my broken english.
"You ni GemuKChub kan ?" Huh.. i was taken aback with his question. How did he know ?
"Err... uncle ni siapa?" The work uncle just jumped lovingly from my mouth. I did't have time to think... abang would have been more appropriate in this conversation.
To my amazement, he has been eyeing me for quite some time. More amazingly, he knows a lot about mychub and it's movement. He gave me the impression that he is an old passive member of mychub. Each of us tries to get more confortable and we even ordered our 2nd drink. Well, with a georgeous chub like that I'd even skipped work this afternoon.
"So what's happening to mychub lately", he asked
"Donno lah.. everybody bitching about each other.. not as fun as the old days" I sighed.
"Uncle tahu.. i have been keeping my interest in mychub for quite sometime now"
Feeling unconfortable, I dumbly ask the Trophy Question... "Uncle dah ada B/F ke ?"
He replied.. "Dah..!!" , My heart sunk. Seeing my sullen face he added "Kalau bukan kerana MyChub, uncle mungkin tak bertemu jodoh"
"Macammana pulak tu"
"Ye la, tanpa mychub, uncle tak akan tahu bahawa bukan uncle sorang sahaja yang memendam perasaan sebegini", "Dulu uncle ingat uncle sorang sahaja dalam dunia ni, bila uncle terjumpa website mychub barulah uncle sedar yang orang seperti uncle ni masih mempunyai harapan dan ramai lagi berperasaan seperti uncle"
"Perasaan macammana uncle", I asked knowing too well the answer.
'Alaaahh.. perasan suka kepada lelaki... terutama lelaki yang gemuk dan badan berisi macam uncle sendiri"
I nodded with approval....
"Uncle tak takut ke.. yer la.. expose ke"
"Dulu memang uncle cukup takut, terutama kalau orang lain tahu. Tapi sekarang ni uncle sedar bahawa selama ini uncle takut dengan diri sendiri. Takut untuk menerima kenyataan", "Terima kasihlah , kerana tanpa MyChub, dimana lagi uncle nak mengadu nasib"
"Uncle.. MyChub bukanlah kepunyaan saya akan tetapi hasil titik peluh semua ahli yang telah sukarela menolong untuk membangunkan kominiti ni"
"Uncle percaya, ada ramai lagi yang masih belum melihat itu semua, ramai lagi yang memerlukan khidmat Mychub untuk membuka mata mereka"
"Tapi uncle.. ada dah jadi kacang lupakan kulit, tidak menghargai apa yang mereka ada, malah mencaci maki kita bila ada yang tidak kena. Walhal kita cuma berniat hendak menolong"
"Itu adat lah... bila kita berjaya.. dan orang lain tidak.. hasad dengki tu akan berputik","Biarkan mereka dengan cara mereka... MyChub have it's own kind of style and class","Keep up the good work and don't let anybody make you think otherwise"
"Thank you uncle"
Suddenly, I felt proud, becauseI felt that something I did have helped someone. Eventhough not for my own benefit.. but at least I made people happy. Along the way I have made a few new friends. That is what the sprit of MyChub is all about. To all of you, Have a nice day... especially to all the LTR couples who have found their match in MyChub. We are glad that you have found your happiness here. Email us if you want to share you love story in mychub -- mychub@time.net.my

Hi there, all! How are things? For me, so far so good! I have recently met a guy in KL! Chub to say the least! But well, let me just tell you that I think it is starting correctly! So far I have been to KL a couple of times and to prove his sincerity, he has come to Singapore too. We met in chat on gay.com.

Anyway, wish me luck! But something actually saddens me! I have spoken to him about mychub and its activities! He said he used to attend some functions especiallly with his ex. Pergi juga ke CM on Sunday. But he told me that he has absolutely NO interest in attending any more functions of mychub! Of course, saya mesti tanya kenapa??? He said it is due to the huge amount of bitching around of mychub members! Nothing I can do will make him change his mind about going to any function!

But I think I am lucky! His answer to me, "Kalau abang nak pergi ke apa-apa function, abang pergi seorang! Saya tak boleh halang abang tapi jangan paksa saya pergi!"

That is a very sad statement! Well, you cannot get everything, right??

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Test

I wish as hell they were wrong... I'm much more nicer than this... hmmm...

Picture worth a thousand words

.

To Lyndon:
Pretense? I suppose everything is a bed of roses when you first met, then the 'attraction graph' goes down. I don't think he intended to play with your feelings, but more like 'having different goals'. To each his own, someone told me.

A bloody busy month, which was February and now, March. My free time was usually past 9pm, where I’d get myself dinner, and actually met other people from my workplace. Hardly go clubbing anymore, since there aren’t that many places I’d want to go to. Am hoping that Kings of Tomorrow or some house DJs would come over soon.

Went to Bleu a few weeks ago. Don’t really agree with the music they played, but the crowd seemed to love it. Somehow, the maths doesn’t add up. Loud speakers + 2am + Jln P Ramlee + PLUs = Dikir Puteri. To each his own, someone told me. But heard from some guys that the place was packed the recent Saturdays, and the playlist has improved.

Missed hanging out with the guys, really eases my stress and tense (a cheaper alternative than going to saunas and such!). I do drop in IRC once in a while, just to get latest updates.

Chatted with a guy over coffee the other day. Kinda chubby, he has a big frame. Round face, bout my height, fair skinned, Malay, smooth. Could pass for Afdlin with glasses if you look from behind.

Hanged out the Bangsar area these days to get glimpses of the F1 Grand Prix fever, and yes 'twas fun. Girls in minis (er?!), boys in shorts, bigger boys in shorts... the likes. Am expecting a much larger turnout over around Jln P Ramlee (12SI, Emporium, Nuovo, Backroom) area this weekend. Think Tequila on a furry chest. Okay, so I don't drink, but you get the idea.

Hi there! Well tak ada banyak nak ceritakan! tetapi saya ingin tanya sesuatu. Why do so many people make a pretense of the situation? Ini bukan kali pertama yang saya mengalaminya! The guy I met in Penang! It was nice for a while. Tapi sebenarnya, dia tak berapa minat sangat pada saya! Selepas jumpa beberapa kali, dia terus nak menghilangkan diri. Cinta tak boleh dipaksa! Baru-baru ni, dia tak nak menjumpai saya. Dia tak nak terima pangillan saya! He is a big pretender!

Saya tak boeh buat apa-apa? Kenapa ada orang yang boleh memainkan perasaan seseorang? Kalau tak minat, cakap aja!

But I am lucky! Minggu lepas saya jumpa seorang lagi di gay.com channel. He is a chub, umur 27. He seems nice! Last weekend, saya berada di KL dan dia pun menemani saya! I hope it will strike off. Saya akan ke KL minggu depan. Just hope it goes well.

Hi Semua, Saya sekarang di Penang! Saya telah menjumpa seorang chub di gay.com. Kami saling hantar e-mail sampai ada kali, 3 kali sehari. Saya pun ambil keputusan untuk jumpa dia di KL. Maklum, orang Selangor. Saya telah buat reservation di Vistana Hotel, tempat saya selalu menginap di KL. Tetapi, tiba-tiba, saya dapat e-mail dari dia yang kita kena batal perjumpaan kita di KL. Last minute, dia kena di hantar ke Penang untuk kerja. Tak tahu apa saya nak buat! Rasa macam nak batal perjumpaan kita.

Dia pun ajak saya ke Penang. Dia menginap di hotel di Penang. Dia kata company dia dah bayar! OKlah tu. Saya pun ke Penang. Habis keje malam pada hari
Khamis dan terus ke JB. Naik bas pukul 12 ke KL dan sampai pada siang pagi. Saya pun ambil keputusan untuk naik ke Penang dengan bas. Dia tu kerja. So samnpai lewat tak per.

Saya sampai pada pukul 3 dan duduk di Komtar. Dia suruh saya beli makanan ringan dan minuman. OK! Habis tu naik teksi ke hotelnya di area Bayan Lepas. OK. Sampai saya di hotel. Talifon bilik dia, tak jawab. Mungkin belum balik tu! Tunggu bawa sampai 45 minit. Rasa ada yang tak kena. Talifon bilik dia lagi. Ada pulak. Dia minta saya naik.

Well he is chub. Melayu dan tinggi dekat 5'10". Umur 30+, dan berat badan dalam 95 kg. Saiz pinggang adalah 39 to 40. OK. Malam itu kami pun bercakap-cakap dan dapat tahu antara satu sama lain. It was good.

Saya tak buang masa. Hari Sabtu dia kena kerja. Maklumlah....keje private bukan kerajaan! Saya pun ke bandar dan membeli sebuah kad. Saya beli dia sekotak chocolate Ferrero Rocher dalam bentuk HEART! Saya pun dapat sebuah bunga ros! Tak lama selepas dia balik, saya pun buat proposal! I think I am in LOVE!

Malam itu, kami pun pergi tengok movie Jennifer Lopez, Maid in Manhattan! I tell you, it was so romantic! It was a good night!! Dia telah pulang ke KL petang ini. Saya balik esok.

I THINK I AM IN LOVE!!

.

"So apa kamu buat kat sini?" tanya pakcik tu.
(Err... membuat pasu bunga?) "Saja buang masa... dah lepas urut ni bagi keluar peluh pulak..."

"Ooo.. ye ke... hehehe. Kamu ni Melayu rupanya iyer? Camana urut tadi? OK? Kamu ambik sapa tadi? Dah lama sampai?" tanya pakcik tu lagi. Mid-40s, salt and pepper hair, plump without being too chubby, burly without being stocky, trying to look serious but his hands kept scratching the wooden panels... the nervous malu-tapi-mau type probably... I don't know whether he's trying to be friendly or actually interested to know my answers.
"OK, biasa aja. Kalau sakit badan bebetul saya ambik Salman atau Ah Kau, kalau sesaja nak releks badan nak tidur saya ambik Shahrin. So, arini ambik Shahrin."

"Oic, betul cakap kamu, I ambik Salman tadi, selalunya kalau nak ambik dia kena book awal2, kalau tak lambat le kena tunggu... lagipun dia urut semua sekali... semua sekali".
(Uh-huh... napa nak stress last sekali tu ekk? Nak suruh aku tanya ke? Koserss.. taula ko cute) "Oic, bagusla camtu... so, selain sini abang gi mana lagi ekk? Ada tempat2 bleh rekomen tak?"

"Ada tu ada, tapi jarang ke tempat lain. Rghupa kedai2 tu lain skit. Kedai nampak open sangat, lepas tu yg pergi semua muda2 lembut2, rasa tak selesa. Kat Subang ada, kat Selayang ada..."
(Rghupa? Rupa? Orang Perak ke ni? Jauh berjalan bang?! Hehehhe... Eh? Tak suka lembut2? Abang ke akak ni? Hiskk... ok gak akak ada misai nih... hmmm) "Oooo... paham2..."

"So Shahrin urut semua sekali jugak ke?"
(Ha'a... napa? Nak demo ke? Ke nak tolong bagi demo?) "Iyer, urut bebetul le, takla urut lebih2 yang lebih2... heheh". (Dia cakap dengan aku nih, tapi tgk tmpt arang batu tu pulak, bad eye contact tul, camana la nak jadik businessman?)

"Oooo.. so belum lagi la ni?"
(Belum? Belum apa la ni? Belum beli TV warna ke? Koserla soalan2 matematik nih) "Ha'a.. belum lagi..."

yesterday was not a perfect day to begin with. Went for my 2nd parking test at Ulu Langat and had miserably failed. I went out and knocked down a pole, pretty smart eh?....anyway, feeling down like hell and everything seems very wrong in every way after that. So I went home and called everybody that I could think of and blabbered about my shortcomings, not that they care but I had to tell evryone so i can get it out from my system. I was a bit calm after the 8th call and proceeded to gay.com after a friend suggested to me on hooking up with anybody just for comfort and a little bit more. So there I was just parking my nick and playing trivia at mirc and after about half an hour somebody ping me, well..what can i say...this guy was really aggresive in his approach and somehow deep down i was quite intrigued. But after several lines, i detected something funny about his chat line, i noticed that he kept on saying dear this dear that as if it sounded so endearing, well not to me, thank you very much. He wanted a meeting over coffee and I told him that I wasnt interested in having mere coffee and I couldnt be bothered to go all the way to KL for that cuppa. He insisted and told me how he adored my pic and went on describing things which was so flattery to me that I eventually agreed but I told him the meeting should be at my house and not at some coffee joint or a hotel as he had proposed. He agreed immediately and told me to wait for him for apprixomately an hour. Before he log off he mentioned to me that he was good looking with mix parentage and have a VERY nice body for he often frequented Dynasty hotel gym facilities. I was obviously smitten with the fact (as he had presented to me) that I would be meeting a 37 year old good looking hunk. Before anything, I have warned him that I'm a chub and told him not be dissapointed if I wasnt something that he would have expected. He told me he's quite cool with chub guys and told me that my body size doesnt count, it was my demeanour that attracted him in the very first place. So it was settle then, we agreed to meet and I caution him that I wasnt up for any sex or it's equivalent, he said ok, he just want to be with me and have an eye to eye meeting with me. After we finished chatting, I felt quite ecstatic and the things i said about not having sex with him, well it was just pure puny lie, hell, who in this world would decline sex when a sex object is infront of him. I did my usual routine of cleaning myself up and stuff and smiling to myself silly. Well, he did arrived at the supposed time he promised and with just one look I could tell it was him for he was not as manly as he described he was and the best part was that he didnt have a great body (he told me more than seven times that he possess an envious body thx to his gym routine). Hell, what the feck should i do at that time? ask him to go back to his home and said goodbye? It was the lie about his appearance that gutted me the most, i dont fecking mind if you're fat or slim, just fecking tell me the truth about your self, dont make me live with false hope and false fantasy and how do you expect me to carry out the fantasy when the make-believe wasnt there. I greeted him and invited him inside my house, and he got the nerve to ask me this : you like my great body baby? This is over-confident to the max man, his tummy itself is as flabby as mine, and he was as melayu as melayu get, what with the chinese look claim? He proceeded to tell me that he was horny and ask me where the bedroom was. In my mind i was like saying to myself: do I have to deal with this? I told him that I'm not up for sex and just want to have conversation as he had earlier proposed during our chat session. He paused for a while, then he said ok, let's talk in your bedroom. I should have seen it coming, but me being me reluctantly agreed to enter my bedroom with him. and he told me that my room is quite hot and he needed to undress in order to make himself comfortable. Can I say no? so there he was half naked and on my bed and keep on saying, come on baby, come to me baby let's make love baby.......what the feck is that? I told him off and ask him to leave but he resisted, he then said to me; 'if you dont want to make love to me, the least you can do is suck my cock' the nerve! anyway, i told him nicely that I'm just not in the mood and instead I swiched on my computer and show him some gay movies that I have downloaded. So he just sat quietly and stroke while watching the movie while i dont know what to do sit at the end of one corner and just remain clueless. I thought to myself, i have to get rid of him fast, he will obviously leave whenever he managed to cum. But after the third movie, he was still strong and there was no sign of him cumming. So I did the unthinkable, I went to him and grab his cock and started to you know what until he cum. He's one clever bugger. He left after that and as soon as he left my house, suddenly i felt it, i felt really really horny....while i was doing him, i didnt feel much of anything, just like an obligatory things to do in order for an objective to be achieved. At that moment i was up for anything, then, i received a call...and this call really made up my day.....i'm out now maybe i would continue about the call and its eventful result tomorrow......bye

Hello. Apa khabar semua? Well, last weekend, minggu ketiga, cutikan? Saya telah pergi ke kuantan untuk jumpa seorang kawan saya. Sudah setahun setengah saya tak jumpa dia. Dia baru pindah ke Kuantan 6 bulan aja dari Melaka. Anyway, sejak saya masuk ke Pahang, mulalah hujan. Saya pun tak buat apa. Saya sampai pada hari Sabtu dan terus ke rumah kawan saya.

Saya betul marah kerana hujan tak berhenti! Hujan berhenti pada petang hari Sabtu tu dan kita pun pergi ke telok chempedek. Tak der apa pun! Kami nak pergi Cherating pada hari Ahad tapi tak boleh kerana hujan turun lagi! Satu hari pulak. Anyway, hujan pun berhenti pada malam Ahad. Kami makan malam di sebuah restoran ditebing sungai Pahang. Dari tempat kami berdua duduk, saya nampak ada 4 kawan. 3 daripada mereka biasa. Ada yang pakai shorts, seorang pakai jeans. Tapi satu daripada mereka adalah chub. Dia tu mungkin 168 cm dan berat badan dalam 110 kg. Handsome betul. Dan yang best punya, dia tu memakai kain pelikat dan t-shirt! Betul handsome pulak. Saya asyik tengok dia aja. Ada kali dia bangun dan tengok saya. Rasanya dia suka saya tapi dia dengan kawan dia dan saya pulak dengan kawan saya. Saya dan kawan saya bangun dulu untuk balik. Dia pun lambai tangan. That makes my day!!

My Chub webteam, particularly Gemuk Chub, thank you for inviting me to somehow write my two cents worth in this blog, though i doubt that it would amount to anything but at least hmmmm...why do we like to say at least this, at least that, is it something heriditary or we r just being too freaking polite and doesn't want to sound too show offy when the real emphasise is obviously on the at least thingie and it seems we simply settle for the 'at least' when we didnt manage to achieve anything, how contradictory!. God, i'm rambling.....ok so back to business of writing this blog, allow me to introduce myself (at the same time advertise my slutty ass) and pohon restu from the seniors for i am just a budak baru berjinak ngan this community, i was a chub in denial(maybe i'm still am, i dunno) and still thinks that I'm a babelicious babe but reality hits hard when the amount of rejections (we can know from the eyes and the silent or akward treatment especially when courting unless the guy really appreciate chubs and the like) surpassing my ability even to say ello! But then, it didnt get the better of me, no fecking way, our demeanor is our saving grace and our endurance are priceless, a make believe reality. Anyway, I'm 26 and love having encounters with strangers but seldom will it last two dates or sessions, whatever u want to call it. Never had the privillege to acquire bf/s or maybe lacking the skills in maintaining a relationship, i dunno but it's as fickled as fickle get. Mostly I would assume the agressive passive role and would try ever so hard to please my many one time lover (touch and go). But I think i have ceased to be sooo a housewife, being assertive is quite a difficult thing to practise when you were like before this; when the guy you were with couldnt get it up after so much bragging and boasting from his side, and you smile instead and said takpe....i dont mind saying it if the person was a nice guy but when he was like too demanding in every way, where he sets precautions and rules in everything and you abide to that, and in returns, he freaking couldnt deliver, well...what is tHAT! just remember guys body contact between two people means two people working it to make it work not a literally sleeping partner who just laze around and make you do all the work. Hey aint nothin a free ride anymore, we have way passed that. Honestly I have to admit that I'm rather a shy person outside in the real world but can be pretty daring when i'm in the net, I have never hit anybody off the streets even if he was like this drop dead gorgeous being, i just took a disinterested glance and pretend that nothing happens when deep inside me it's like a Krakatoa ever ready to erupt again. My last encounter was with this guy who responded to my personal message in the mychubs personal ad or something, i coudnt feckin remember and yeah we did have some good jackin off session together (god i dunno whether i'm allowed to share explicit moments in this blog, i know zilch of the rules in here, so if i was way overboard with my anything, pls advise ok) but then it stops there, i's an ok encounter, not that great but ok and he doesnt mind kissing either. I've been like Julia Roberts in pretty woman who inferred that kissing is more for affectionate relationship and not for ons but then this guy started it, so i kissed him back and right at that moment i realised that i'm not a good lay....simply because i have forgotten how to really kiss and it affects my performance as well. Not affecting it completely but slightly affected. And that was like i dunno a week ago, and after that I couldnt be bothered to have anymore meetups, i used to have meetups at least 3 or 4 times a week, a full fledge meetups mind u, but now..hmmmm....maybe i'm getting older. Or maybe LOVE has become something of a requited necessity. I dunno.

Hi there. Well yesterday, Thursday I was in one of the chat rooms of gay.com. Anyway, I was talking a few people, and I had a message from a guy. We got talking. I was impressed to hear he was about 1.8 m and weighed about 120 kg. After chatting some time, he gave me his handphone number. He was going on his coffee break so asked me to call him. I called him. He sounded very nice. He asked me if I could meet him after work.

We arranged a place. i was skeptical. Would I be able to recognise him and he me? The time came and well yes that was him. It was raining heavily. He recognised me too.

As it was raining very havily, he was caught in the rain. So was I. Not much later he said he was feeling unwell, and there was a slight fever coming up. Anyway, as we had already arranged to meet, we took a cab to a shopping centre and sat down at a Coffee Bean for coffee. It was a sort of get to know you session. I enjoyed it. He wants to get togethr again next week for further action. I am quite amazed that I managed to get a chub in a chat room.

It's not too late to wish everyone 'Happy New Year', I hope. May all your wishes will come true, and may u have already fulfilled last year's resolution. I celebrated new year at Nuovo, Kuala Lumpur becoz a DJ was there (Joey Negro aka Jakatta) who played creme and 'house'-y music. Cover charge was RM60 per person with 2 drinks. Twas almost full house, and Jalan P Ramlee outside was full of people also. Across the road over at Emporium there's this drag show on podium, which I later found out was 'Mardi Gras 2002/2003'. Apparently glitters.com performed somewhere on the the streets as well....

Met a new friend a few weeks before through the net. Decided to meet up for a drink and more real-time face-to-face chat. A bloody nice guy, I would say, almost too good to be true (well, that's what I always said when I get to know new people, but this one is the best so far). A Malay bear (woof!), 170, no idea about his weight, has more than 18 hairs per square inch on his arm, wears glasses, short hair, great smile, stuble. Or try to picture Santa Claus minus 40 years. We chatted about everything from music to movies over a cuppa coffe and a plate of 'nasi lemak' (which he finished in about 2.30 min, I like people who enjoy food!).

"Errr, why do you like chubbies?"
"Dunno, I must have f**ked-up my brain or something. No-lah, may be I like what the images of chubs represent, sort of like a happy personality"
"But not all chubbies are happy all the time"
"I know, maybe I like what they represent. Confident funny witty chubs turn me on, especially those in Armani business suits and BMW M5s. Hahaha. Ok, so that one is a joke. My point is, attraction to physical is one thing, but personality or intelligence is another."
"But why chubs?"
"Uhhh, why not chubs? If I wanted a slim,might as well I jack-off in front of the mirror or something. Hehehe. Maybe I'm attracted to something different from me. Maybe. Beauty lies on the eye of the beholder, dear. It's not like I don't find Brad Pitt, or Antonio Sabato or Marcus Schenken-whatever not attractive. I do. But I don't find them desirable. At most, I would want to be like them, but I don't want them. At least, I would picture them as rivals. But I CAN identify a good-looking guy. I believe I'm not a psycho or a fetish."
"Hmm.. ok... whatever. Err, where do you wanna go after this?"